Empty Wells

My maternal grandparents live in a small town in Eastern Idaho called Arco. It was the first city to have atomic power and they throw a great atomic days parade with lots of candy for the kids. It is a farming community filled with good people. In the past decade drought has been a big problem for the farmers of Arco and the Lost River Valley (if the river that runs through your valley is called Lost River, drought is inevitable).

Not only were the skies dry and the reservoirs low, but people's wells were empty. And in a place where wells are the norm instead of city plumbing it was a serious problem. Digging a new well or deepening your existing well is an expensive investment - around $5,000 or more, but water sustains both life and your way of life when you are a farmer, and so they dug deeper wells to find much needed water.

I am not a farmer, but I am a nurturer of living things - my husband, my future kids, my family and friends. Nurturing comes naturally to me as it does to many women. Giving water from my well is a natural and often fulfilling thing to do but sometimes I forget to take time to fill my well back up and have at times found my well completely barren and dry.

Real Super Women are smart. They are wise enough to take the time to fill up their own wells and make sure that their reservoirs of strength are at a healthy level. Now I know even the best Super Women have dry wells from time to time because sometimes life throws us a lot of curve balls, but it is my hope that our wells can be full most of the time.

Filling our well - aka investing time in ourselves - is one of the most productive uses of our time. Yet most women feel guilty if they take time for themselves. I believe that this guilt comes from the myths about superwoman. Superwoman is supposed to do it all for everyone but herself and any time spent on herself is deemed selfish.

This is untrue. As we invest time, energy, and money in ourselves we receive a great return: strength, happiness, and fulfillment. We are then able to complete the many tasks that are required of us with greater joy, satisfaction, and less resentment. When we maintain a full well it becomes easier to nurture those around us without feeling depleted ourselves.

So the challenge for you this week is to invest 30 minutes in yourself. Find something that fills you up, inspires you, rejuvenates your spirit, and makes you genuinely happy. If you have lost your way a bit, that is okay. Take the time to meditate on the things that used to bring you joy and excitement. Think about the dreams you have or once had and take a step towards realizing one of them. Pick something that will fill your well back up.

And give yourself one rule: Tell yourself that you are not allowed to feel guilty about this investment time. Put aside all your worry about what you 'should' be doing and focus on enjoying this investment time in yourself. It is a gift that you deserve and it is one that will serve both you and the ones you love.

For my 30 minutes I am going to go bike shopping and buy myself a bike! I have been wanting a bike for a while and haven't taken the plunge yet, but I know that having a bike to ride and feel the wind rush past me will bring me joy and help my body feel good. It will fill my well up.

What are you going to/did you do?

What I have learned

Well, I guess when I said, 'more on that tomorrow,' I really meant 'more on that in a few days.'

Thanks for your comments – they were all very insightful and thought provoking. Real Super Women have great ideas.

In my last post I mentioned that we don’t need to accomplish everything all at once in order to be of worth or value. This is a truth that has taken me a while to grasp but I think I am finally starting to really believe it. It has been a hard lesson to learn.

About a year and a half after I got married I started having some serious back pain. It slowly got worse and soon I was also experiencing severe hip pain as well. I kept thinking that I had a tumor or something in my hip because it hurt so badly. We went to several doctors, all of whom didn’t recognize that my back and hip pain were connected, and told me to take some aspirin and accept the fact that some people just have back pain. It was infuriating and completely disheartening. I felt like no one was taking me seriously.

Then things got really bad. Walking was hard. Standing was painful. Sitting was very painful. I found myself wanting to lie on the sidewalk, the store floor, or the church bench because my back and hip hurt so much. Thankfully, I finally demanded an MRI, found a HUGE disc herniation that was the cause of all my pain and went to a neurosurgeon who cut me open to fix me. It took about a year and three months to feel like I was fully recovered. It was a long and at times very frustrating recovery, but things are so much better. I still have some other back problems and issues, but I am able to live a fairly normal life now.

This whole ordeal has been the hardest trial in my life thus far because I wasn’t just in physical pain, I was also in emotional pain. It is difficult to describe how it feels to be a 23 year old that can’t do the things someone my age can normally do. I couldn’t exercise, run around, ski, or enjoy anything that required more than 5 minutes of walking. I couldn’t have a job. Or a baby - that has been the most challenging of all. And I couldn’t even do the simple things like laundry, cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. All I could really do was lie on the couch or in bed and sit with my thoughts and feelings – and it was a lot to sit with.

I felt utterly, completely, and totally useless. I was physically unable to produce, to achieve, to make tangible progress and I believed the lie that I was worthless because I couldn’t be superwoman. It was so hard. Gratefully, I began to realize that it was not what I achieved or produced that made me valuable, but it was my existence, my unique qualities of character, my heart and my mind and my spirit that made me valuable. I slowly started believing that I was important, lovable, useful, and of great worth even though I spent most of the day on the couch recovering.

I finally recognized the truth of my situation. No I wasn’t earning money, or furthering my education, or raising children, or even managing a household, but I was doing some very important healing and resting. I was learning important lessons about patience and timing, about how to let things go, and about mercy and accepting service from others. I was learning how to be a better wife and future mother. I was learning compassion and empathy for those who suffer. I was learning how to be a better version of myself and once I recognized the truth – I was finally able to really move forward with joy.

I found joy by learning that I am of worth – even if I can’t accomplish the things that I would like to, or juggle a hundred balls at once. I found joy in knowing that I was trying my best at what I could reasonably handle. I found joy in being okay with the fact that I couldn’t handle much. I found joy when I stopped comparing myself to healthy, energetic women that were physically capable of more than I was. I found joy and peace when I learned to really love myself – without any strings attached.

I learned that it is okay to not accomplish everything all at once. I learned to be okay with what I could handle. I learned to love me. I learned how to be a real Super Woman!

Where did Super Woman come from?

Today while I was at the GAP trying on some clothes that I did't buy I thought about super woman - the made up one that doesn't actually exist - and I wondered what her origin is. How did this fictional woman come to be and why are so many women in this world trying to match her alleged ability to conquer everything in her life with grace and all before supper time?

I thought about superman too, and why he gets to be a strictly fictional character on a TV show or movie when super woman is supposed to be the real deal - super-human powers and all - living in every American household in suburbia. Except she isn't real because there is no possible way for a real woman to accomplish EVERYTHING.

If she isn't real... why is there pressure to meet such stringent and unrealistic standards? Who places those expectations on the shoulders of women in America and the world over? And why do we listen?

There is this illusion traveling through neighborhoods that in order to be of worth and value we must accomplish it all - that we must be THE super woman with universal powers. That if you take a moment to rest and be still, to laugh at yourself while you twirl and dance in the GAP dressing room, and let the laundry sit in the hamper for another day... that you simply couldn't be super woman and are therefore not worth very much.

What a GINORMOUS lie! But it is so preposterous and ridiculous that women are actually believing it and instead of valuing their unique gifts and talents and quirks, they feel like crap at the end of the day. It isn't meant to be that way. We as women are meant to feel like beings of worth and value for the simple fact that we are of great worth and value.

We don't need to conquer everything all at once to be important or valued or needed or useful. More on that tomorrow.

Why do you think the super woman myth exists and is so prevalent among women? What do you think?

Until tomorrow,
Kristin

Finally a start...

I have had this idea to start a blog about women and for women for a while now, but I haven't had the guts to get started. I have doubted myself - even though I have a gut feeling that this is a really good idea - but the fear of failing, sad to say, has won out until now. Luckily a close friend and very strong woman has provided me with the encouragement I needed and so I am taking the plunge into blogging with a real purpose and hoping that people read what I have to say.

I have some important things to say about women:
about how incredible, amazing, and precious we are...
about how we are our own worst critic and fail to see the strength, talents, and worth we have...
about how we need to believe in ourselves more and stop listening to that voice inside our head that says we can't...
about how silly it is that we doubt ourselves and let fear rule us (yes, this all applies to me too)...
about how capable we really are - especially if we get out of our own way...
about how we need to take just as good care of ourselves as we do the ones we love...
about how we should love who we are even though we are a work in progress...

The list of ideas I have is long. And hopefully endless.

I want this to be a place where any woman can come to get a little boost and a firm reminder that she is a beautiful, intelligent, capable person. That she doesn't have to face the world all at once, get the laundry and dishes done, dinner on the table, and look really good in a spandex suit to be a Super Woman.

Let's you and I redefine what it is to be a Super Woman - a REAL Super Woman. Because REAL Super Women shouldn't strive for perfection in a thousand daily tasks only to feel like a worthless heap at the end of a long day. REAL Super Women strive to do a good job, focus on the things that really matter, and feel accomplished and happy at the end of a long day - not spent and worthless.

I believe that every woman is of great worth and I want this blog to remind you of that. Spread the word. Provide me with comments and ideas. Help expand my vision! I am not exactly sure where this will all lead but I am willing to set aside my doubts and take a leap of faith in hopes that it makes a difference and improve the lives of even just a few Super Women out there.

Until tomorrow,
Kristin