A Real Super Woman

About a year ago I saw a woman on Oprah that epitomizes what a real super woman is. Her name is Monica and I hope you find as much hope and inspiration from her positive attitude as I did.

Here is the link to the story on Oprah, with pictures included, or you can read the story below.

Monica's Story

After going through a painful divorce, Monica met Tony when she least expected it. Monica already had a 9-year-old daughter, but soon after she and Tony got engaged, they were thrilled to be expecting another bundle of joy. In August 2007, she had a C-section, and though she worried about complications, Monica delivered a healthy baby girl. But hours after Sofia was born, Monica began running a fever. No one was concerned at first—Monica figured it was just hormones—but three days later the fever hadn't broken, and Monica's abdomen was swollen and painful.

The doctors at Monica's hospital thought she might be infected with a deadly strain of bacteria. They flew her to a hospital in Boston where she was diagnosed with necrotizing fasciitis, also known as flesh-eating bacteria. Defying the odds, Monica survived, but many of her organs didn't. The doctors removed Monica's uterus, ovaries, gallbladder and part of her colon that same day.

Within four weeks, Monica's infection had restricted the blood flow to her arms and legs. Her nurses cleaned her limbs every day, and she knew they were trying to keep her from seeing the damage. But Monica wanted to face the disease head on. "I needed to know what I was up against. I didn't want to be shielded anymore," Monica says.

Eventually, doctors told Monica they had to amputate both arms and both legs. The surgery sounded scary, but Monica was determined to put it behind her and get back to her daughters. "I was frightened at first, but when they told me [my arms and legs] had to be amputated, it was: 'Do it. I've got to go home,'" Monica says. "[I thought,] 'I have a life to live and it's not here, and until you amputate, I can't move forward.'"

After her amputation, Monica spent two months in the hospital, where she underwent a total of 37 surgeries. As Monica grew stronger, Tony realized there was no reason to postpone their wedding any longer—they got married in the hospital chapel in October, 2007.

Monica spent the next two months going through grueling rehabilitation. "She's a fighter," Tony says. "If they told her two hours of physical therapy a day, she'd ask to double it up to four. She wanted to come home as soon as possible. ... They didn't think she'd ever walk again, but she made it happen."

Right before Christmas, Monica got what she'd been waiting for. She was given the okay to go home to her husband and two daughters.

Nurses and doctors say they expected a "why me?" breakdown from Monica while she was in the hospital, but it never happened. "I did have moments of 'If God just left me one arm or one leg, life would be a little bit easier,' but that's not the way it went," Monica says. "You make do with what you have. I could still love my girls. The bottom line was I am still here."

Monica's not the only warrior in this family. Jenny calls Tony a daddy warrior because he always stood by Monica and their family. "I actually considered not marrying him because I wasn't the person he agreed to marry," Monica says. "But then I realized he loves me. He's here, and he's my heart. I'm still a woman, and I still have a heart and a mind, regardless of whether I have arms or legs."

Tony says that there was never even a moment when he considered leaving Monica. "She was the same person inside, so nothing had changed," he says. "At one point, they went to bring in a preacher to give her last rights, and I turned him away and said: 'No, she's got a lot to fight for. She's not going anywhere, she'll be here for our family.' And she was. She is."

All mothers face frustrations, but Monica's come with tasks that used to be simple. "I get frustrated about not being to do everything that I used to do," she says. "Everything is different—things as simple as picking up a pen or signing a paper for Madalyn at school." Monica hasn't let any of these obstacles stop her from living her life to the fullest. She does everything a mom would do, including paying the bills, which can take her up to three hours.
"What good are you to your children if you're miserable? What are you teaching them? That you give up? That's not what I want to teach my kids," Monica says. "I want my girls to know that their mother's a fighter."

Monica's been adjusting to her new life for a little over a year, and she says her strength comes from her support system—from family and friends to people at the hospital and rehab facility. There are more surgeries to come, she says, but she's taking it one day at a time.

"I've come to the realization that things are as they are, and you have to move forward. Life goes on," she says. "There's no sense dwelling on it—that just hurts too much and you don't live your life the way you want to. And with a wonderful husband and two great girls, life is fun."

What an amazing woman! I wish I had her optimism, faith, and can do attitude - she truly inspired me to face what life hands me with gusto, realism, and a gratitude. I hope she inspired you too.

-Tin

Fear and Guilt

FEAR AND GUILT...
Topics I have thought a lot about and could probably center an entire blog around it because of its prevalence in our lives. It is certainly in my life, how about yours?

I have been feeling guilty about this poor little blog of mine. I had all these great hopes and dreams when I started and they seemed to last only momentarily because something big and scary got in my way:

FEAR.

Fear of what I do not know exactly know - but mostly fear of failing I suppose. Fear of putting myself out there and having no one appreciate it. I thought I was ready to be a brave super woman and let it all hang out, but I have learned that that is really not what it is all about. This blog is about being honest and real and scared and insecure and then brave in spite of it all.

So I admit to being scared and insecure and I am going to try to be brave. I didn't anticipate this hump to climb over, but it is here so I must climb over it to find out what is on the other side.

Funny how fear gets in the way of ourselves making the choices and progress that we want to make. That has always been a challenge for me. I freeze up because I feel the need to be perfect the first try and I sabotage myself. It is really quite silly when I think about it logically, but it is all too real in the moment.

And then fear inevitably leads to feelings of guilt - that we should have, would have, could have. We kick ourselves for not being more brave and trying that new thing, or for choosing to stay home instead of putting ourselves out there, or for avoiding a blog that was intended to help other women. We feel crappy about it because we were not true to what we were prompted to do. We let fear muck it up and then we feel guilty about it. It is a complicated dynamic and one that I am not entirely sure how to resolve.

What I do know is that when I am true to the promptings I get, I am almost always happier and I know that 99% of the time, when I try something new, I am glad that I did - even if I make a fool of myself - and I usually walk away will a satisfied feeling that I did something meaningful and worthwhile and a little bit brave. I feel satisfied because I am growing and that is really what life is all about. Growing up and out to be better today than we were yesterday.

So thanks for hanging in there with my insecurities and for those of you who have encouraged me to be brave and go for it. It means a lot and it is what real super women do for each other.

Now go be brave today.

-Tin

A Real Vacation

I finally got the 'Trimming the Fat' post up. I wrote it before I went on a real vacation to the mountains, but it wouldn't work for some Html reason I couldn't solve. I had to retype the whole thing to get it to work. It was worth it though.

Now I am back from the mountains and moved into our new place in Provo. We have returned for one last semester and then we are off to Portland for a full time job!

I am really struggling with this blog. I had all these great ideas when I started it and now I find myself a bit scared to write. I finally created an outlet for myself to express my ideas and my ideas are suddenly shy. I guess I need to learn to trust that there a lot of real super women out there that will agree with me and support me and love me. Because the real super women that I know are the kind of women that cheer other people on and encourage there fellow super women to do some good in the world.

That is what I want to do with this blog - some good. Time to throw caution to the wind and write write write!

-Kristin

Trimming the Fat

My very cool sister-in-law sent me a link to her friend's blog who had written about her experience of selling most of what she and her family of four own so that they can make a huge move from Ithaca NY to Dubai UAE.

After reading about this real super woman's of trimming the fat, so to speak, and ridding herself of the added burden of unnecessary things I was inspired to share talk about it with you.

My husband and I have been trying to live more simply in the past year or so. We have come to the joint agreement that we never want to have a garage filled with everything but our cars, junk drawers, or black hole room that always seems to collect the miscellaneous items that have no home. We have no garage but we still have some junk that collects here and there and we have wanted to trim it out of our lives.

Last year we got rid of a lot... an AC unit, our microwave, our washer and dryer, my exercises bike, furniture, rugs, shelves, books, clothes, shoes, and a lot of other random things. We sold it all and made about a $1000 from our efforts which went to a new computer for my husband - a much smaller and much more needed item in our household. But we got a lot more that a Mac Book Pro out of the experience - we gained relief from the burden that those things were imposing on our lives.

It is a huge relief to get rid of something because it frees you
of your responsibility to care for it.

I heard a quote a while back that has really stuck with me:

"Less Space. Less Things. MORE Life!"

It makes complete sense. The less space you have and the fewer things you have in that space the more time you have to really enjoy life. Plus you end up having more resources for family vacations and enriching experiences because you aren't buying stuff that you don't really need, paying to fix stuff that isn't necessary, or having to take care or or store a bunch of things.

While living a simple, clutter-free existence sounds really appealing, it can be a real challenge to avoid getting sucked into consumerism - especially if you love getting a great deal. I have a few things that I do that have helped me.

1 - I try really hard not to buy anything unless I genuinely LOVE it.
Often times that means passing on the $12 shirt that is such a great deal because I know that I don't really love it. I know it will sit in my closet and rarely get worn because I loved the idea of a deal instead of loving what I bought. When I am unsure about a purchase I ask myself if I really love it and more often than not I leave the item behind because I don't really love it.

2 - I ask myself, "Where am I going to put this if I buy it?"
I have to be honest with myself about the space I have and if there is really a good home for it - because adding more stuff to a black hole room does not count as having a place for it.

3 - I remind myself of the vision I have for my home.
Keeping a vision in mind helps me avoid buying things that detract from my goal of having a peaceful, organized, streamlined home that is calm and serene. I remind myself of how I want to spend my time - with my family - not cleaning, fixing, and managing things.

Stuff just weighs us down, saps us of our energy, and steals our time away from what is truly important. It can be hard to resist the good deal, and for some it is a real challenge to let go of things (I personally find it invigorating and cathartic), but I believe it can be easier if we remember what we want a simpler life with more for the really important things.

When we choose less things we really do choose more life! I wish you the best of luck as you trim the fat and enjoy more life!

-Kristin

P.S. After returning from our summer internship and opening our storage unit, my husband and I were overwhelmed with how much stuff there was - even though we did get rid of a lot last year. We have decided to get rid of even more and will be working on simplifying our lives even further before we move again in four months. Wish us luck!

Using Your Past for Good

I have been thinking a lot about my high school days, which are becoming more distant than seems possible. I was wound up pretty tight.

- like tightly woven yarn -

I was a perfectionist that put a lot of pressure on myself to always have it together. I was afraid to relinquish control, my worry/anxiety, and the goal of perfection because I didn't know what would happen if I let myself unwind... I was afraid that I would completely unravel.

Looking back, I wish I would have been far more carefree and relaxed about life. I wish I would have taken things in stride a little better and worried a lot less. 16 year old's shouldn't worry like I did. Granted, I had some scary stuff going on because of my dad's health issues, but I wish I would have relaxed a lot more. I wish I would have been...

But we all know that we cannot change the past.
It is what it is and that is okay.
The best we can do is move forward while keeping the lessons from the past in our back pocket.

When I catch myself wishing that I would have worried less and relaxed more in high school, I change my mantra to, "Maybe I was a little too uptight in high school, but I am learning to be less wound up and more relaxed right now."

It is an empowering practice because I am acknowledging the reality of the past but I am also using it to help me move in a better direction instead of making myself feel badly about what I did or didn't do. It is such a beautiful and powerful thing to change a "should of, would of, could of" into a "Right now I am... improving, getting better, moving forward!"

We all have mistakes and moments in our past that we would like to have a do-over for, but time doesn't work that way. Instead, let's learn from those moments and use them as positive fuel to change and take the next step in our lives towards becoming real super women - which are simply women trying to become a better version of themselves (even though they are already pretty great).

Super Woman was on vacation

The super woman behind this blog went on vacation. Not literally, but mentally. You see I had all these great ideas about how this great idea of mine was going to work out. I envisioned all sorts of clever and inspirational posts about how great women are and how we all need to be nicer to ourselves and take a break now and then.

But I had to take a vacation before I had really even gotten started because I had placed a bit too much pressure on myself to perform like the superwoman in the comics. I was feeling a bit hypocritical and decided I needed some space away from my big idea so that I could come back to earth and start again - without all the self-inflicted pressure to be superwoman.

I am feeling more centered now and a lot less worried about how this whole thing pans out. Cause ideally I would love it if lots of women read my thoughts and felt better about themselves, but I am decided that I will be okay if just my best girlfriends read and feel better about themselves. But if you do like what you read, you can by all means pass the word along.

That is that. Now let's start again.

I had a super woman moment today. I remained calm (okay I was slightly frazzled) in the face of a big to do list of very important to dos, like finding a place to live in 11 days. I prayed hard, worked hard, and asked for support from the super man in my life. And I was able to conquer my natural man tendency to overreact and fall apart to some degree. I decided it was better to trust that things would work. If felt really good.

Have you had a super woman moment lately?

Empty Wells

My maternal grandparents live in a small town in Eastern Idaho called Arco. It was the first city to have atomic power and they throw a great atomic days parade with lots of candy for the kids. It is a farming community filled with good people. In the past decade drought has been a big problem for the farmers of Arco and the Lost River Valley (if the river that runs through your valley is called Lost River, drought is inevitable).

Not only were the skies dry and the reservoirs low, but people's wells were empty. And in a place where wells are the norm instead of city plumbing it was a serious problem. Digging a new well or deepening your existing well is an expensive investment - around $5,000 or more, but water sustains both life and your way of life when you are a farmer, and so they dug deeper wells to find much needed water.

I am not a farmer, but I am a nurturer of living things - my husband, my future kids, my family and friends. Nurturing comes naturally to me as it does to many women. Giving water from my well is a natural and often fulfilling thing to do but sometimes I forget to take time to fill my well back up and have at times found my well completely barren and dry.

Real Super Women are smart. They are wise enough to take the time to fill up their own wells and make sure that their reservoirs of strength are at a healthy level. Now I know even the best Super Women have dry wells from time to time because sometimes life throws us a lot of curve balls, but it is my hope that our wells can be full most of the time.

Filling our well - aka investing time in ourselves - is one of the most productive uses of our time. Yet most women feel guilty if they take time for themselves. I believe that this guilt comes from the myths about superwoman. Superwoman is supposed to do it all for everyone but herself and any time spent on herself is deemed selfish.

This is untrue. As we invest time, energy, and money in ourselves we receive a great return: strength, happiness, and fulfillment. We are then able to complete the many tasks that are required of us with greater joy, satisfaction, and less resentment. When we maintain a full well it becomes easier to nurture those around us without feeling depleted ourselves.

So the challenge for you this week is to invest 30 minutes in yourself. Find something that fills you up, inspires you, rejuvenates your spirit, and makes you genuinely happy. If you have lost your way a bit, that is okay. Take the time to meditate on the things that used to bring you joy and excitement. Think about the dreams you have or once had and take a step towards realizing one of them. Pick something that will fill your well back up.

And give yourself one rule: Tell yourself that you are not allowed to feel guilty about this investment time. Put aside all your worry about what you 'should' be doing and focus on enjoying this investment time in yourself. It is a gift that you deserve and it is one that will serve both you and the ones you love.

For my 30 minutes I am going to go bike shopping and buy myself a bike! I have been wanting a bike for a while and haven't taken the plunge yet, but I know that having a bike to ride and feel the wind rush past me will bring me joy and help my body feel good. It will fill my well up.

What are you going to/did you do?